Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I have a game that I like to play, (and all you wanna-be-Freud's can chime in if you like.) I like to pretend to go back in time and re-write my life. I take this game very seriously and carefully craft each aspect of my new life..my job, my place of residence, my fabulous new-found sense of style, etc., avoiding all of the 'mistakes' that I made the first time around.
Except something I began to realize in the last few years of playing is not everything in my life needs to be re-written, some things are pretty gosh darn great and I wouldn't' want to change them one bit. My husband for example? Truly, hands down the best husband in the universe, (and yes five seconds after I write this he will invariably do something to land on my shit list but so it goes...) And my brand new baby? She is amazing, wouldn't give any part of my mommy life for anything (poopy diapers and 3am feedings included)!
And there in lies the dilemma because as all of you know if you change one tiny thing your whole life could turn out completely different (as demonstrated in that creepy Butterfly Effect movie)
So something that occurred to me at 3 in the morning today (don't blame the baby she was sleeping like an angel) why oh why am I spending all of this time obsessing over a life that isn't (and never will be unless I invent a time machine) when I could pour all of that energy into authentically living the life I have (and kinda love most of the time)?
So that's it folks I am making a New Life Resolution (it's like a New Year's resolution but grander and more fancy sounding) I resolve to life my life and tell the tale! So what if I have an MBA but no career, or any prospect of a career per se? So what if it's going to take me the length of three pregnancies to lose this pregnancy weight? So what if my dog will never be trained enough to walk properly on a leash (or my husband be trained enough to put his dirty clothes in the hamper!)? And so what if people think I'm a little ridiculous? I kind of am! And I kind of like it that way.